James Bond: Ok, I've talked with my agent and I guess I'm stuck here. So I guess we'll do a deleted scene / alternate ending type deal now. Right, Writer, resume the bit!

Me: No. I'm busy.

JB: What? You can't do that! Resume the bit now you hack! ... Where the hell?!

Me: Missing something? Let me show something I wrote off screen. (Writer takes away Little James).

JB: Oh my god! Don't hurt it!

Me: I'll give him back after you apologize.

JB: OK! I'm sorry! This recession is hitting me really hard, but that's no excuse for what I did.

Me: Fine.

Little James is returned to his owner.

JB: Oh thank god! Lets just finish this, and be done with it.

Me: (Bit Starts)

Q: Hello 007!

JB: AHH! Oh god, don't sneak up on me like that again Q!

Me: Uh, sorry, that's my bad. I started it a little late, just keep going.

JB: Uh ok, hello Q. What do you have for me this time?

Q: One gadget and a Bond girl.

JB: That's it?!

Q: Well it was written rather quickly to please all the fans requests, oh wait, um just 1 fan's single request.

JB: Ok, so lets start with the gadget first.

Q: Ok, Lab Assistant! Bring me the latest device.

Lab Assistant, Lab Tech's brother brings the device.

Q: Thank you, and before you go...

Q bitch slaps Lab Assistant to the floor.

Q: Lunch was late today! Now let that be a lesson to you! Right, now here is the device.

JB: Is that papier mache?! It'a a papier mache pinecone!

Q: No, it just looks like one, when it's really a disguised hand grenade.

JB: ........Why???

Q: You don't expect people to run away when they hear someone shout 'pinecone!' do you?

JB: Well, I suppose not.

Q: Good, now we have the final item, the Bond Girl.

JB: That's Helen Hunt! Why, god, why?!

Q: She was all we could afford 007!

JB: Well at least this isn't in High Def.

Q: Oh we can still do that, we bought the HD rights before the recession!

Q switches the HD on.

JB: AAHHH! NO!! TURN IT OFF!! TURN IT OFF!!! SHE'S SO GROSS LOOKING!!!

Q switches the HD off. James Bond vomits violently. A minute later he's all out of vomit.

Q: Well that was uncomfortable. Now that you seem to be empty, you can get to 'know her better'.

James Bond: FUCK THAT SHIT!! DIE!!

James Bond takes the pinecone grenade and throws it at Helen Hunt blowing her up in a massive explosion destroying a big chunk of the lab as well as Lab Assistant who was unfortunately asking Helen Hunt for an autograph.

Q: ..... You're fired!

Q looks at James Bond.

Q: And that pinecone grenade is coming out of your paycheck!

The End.